Analyzing dreams is much like walking on water. There are a limited number of people who do it well.

Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt.

Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.

You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet.

If it looks like a cat, walks like a cat, and has whiskers like a cat, it's probably a damn cat. But if it eats your groceries, messes up your kitchen, and makes you want to rip out your hair by the roots, you either married it or gave birth to it

Every morning I read the obituaries. If it ain't there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so.

When in doubt, shoot 1st and ask questions later, but avoid the head, "because they'rea lot more likely to answer if they're not dead.

He's just a flash in the pants.

Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either.