I was going to write a sharp witty email full of devastating one-liners but I suspect you want something nicer than that

I'm eating a massive pastrami sandwich. It's so beautiful I might cry. Just so you know.

Well then that's our date confirmed. I am excited! Most girls want to know if I have long term plans to start a family; you want to know if I like 80s rap. I think I'm in love with you. Actually, I'm not you have a foul mouth and terrible taste in men by all accounts.

How do you feel about going on a date with me? I'm abroad for another two weeks; you've got plenty of time to prepare yourself. It will be the best night of your life, of course.