Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.

The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

The fastest way to end an argument with your wife is to admit she’s right.

I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married.

A man who boasts he's the head of the home must never forget the woman is the knife at his throat.

Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

Love is a hook; the moment a man swallows it, a woman knows she has him forever.

Be calm on your wedding day; she won’t kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.