I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.

There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.