dissociating put me at higher risk for attacks in my neighborhood and at school, making me more easily identified by sexual predators

The creation of these "happy" parts felt different from the splitting that began at my fingertips when I was under attack. Entering these "good" parts felt less noticeable. There was some dizziness and light-headedness, but it was mainly just a gentle shifting in my mind. I was unsure of where my body started and ended for just a few seconds.

From that mild dissociation, I quickly went into a deeper dissociative state if there was conflict around me, if someone expressed strong emotions, or if something unpredictable happened. Although these difficult situations triggered me, they brought out behavior that helped me do well when the going got tough. I loved solving problems and getting into the thick of things and also had well-developed skills in reading people and anticipating their needs.

I felt a catch in my chest and a pulsing in my ears and then I felt calm and numb, with a fuzziness that I couldn't think through, much thicker than before.

I heard this as if the doctor were at other end of a long tunnel. I had trouble connecting his words into sentences with meaning.

Sometimes I look older than I feel. Sometimes my hands seem bigger than they should be or I feel taller than I think I should be.