I'd never planned on working all my life. I'd had this fantasy that I'd get married and suddenly find a calling beyond the humiliating need to make a living. Art or charity work, babies—something like that.

She suggested I keep a log of my dreams as a way of tracking the 'waning intensity of suffering.''I don't like the term "dream journal,"' she told me at our in-person appointment in June. 'I prefer "night vision log.

Education is directly proportional to anxiety, as you've probably learned, having gone to Columbia.

I felt both relieved and irritated when Reva showed up, the way you'd feel if someone interrupted you in the middle of suicide. Not that what I was doing was suicide. In fact, it was the opposite of suicide. My hibernation was self-preservational. I thought it was going to save my life.

Tell me everything!" she'd cry, salivating. Poor Reva. She might actually have thought I was capable of sharing things. "Friends forever?" She'd want us to make some sacred pact. She always wanted to make pacts. "Let's make a pact to have brunch at least twice a month. Let's promise to go for a walk through Central Park every Saturday. Let's have a daily call-time. Will you swear to take a ski trip this year? It burns so many calories.

I want downers, that much I know," I said frankly. "And I want something that'll put a damper on my need for company.I'm at the end of my rope," I said. "I'm an orphan, on top of it all. I probably have PTSD. My mother killed herself.""How?" Dr. Tuttle asked."Slit her wrists," I lied."Good to know.

When Reva gave advice, it sounded as though she were reading a bad made-for-TV movie script. "A walk around the block could do wonders for your mood," she said. "Aren't you hungry?""I'm not in the mood for food," I said. "And I don't feel like going anywhere.

Family time can put a strain on the mentally deranged." She clucked her tongue as though out of pity.

Reva often spoke about 'settling down.' That sounded like death to me.'I'd rather be alone than anybody's live-in prostitute,' I said to Reva.