The first date is crucial! You are never right on the first date. You are never smarter than her, better looking or funnier. You are simply honored to be sitting at the same table as her. When you pick her up, you get down on one knee and bow your head in humble adoration. Whatever the hell it takes to get her to get into the car without having to hit her over the head and drag her caveman style. ""Because if that doesn't land you in prison.

I was about to start breaking out the "bloody hells!" and I wasn't even British! See! She was driving me crazy! I was officially changing nationalities! Her hand slipped. I swear it had to have slipped because she was actually now almost cupping a feel! OOOOOOH CANADA!!!

How did Max even know of Ethel? It's not like I talked about my long time nemesis around the dinner table. Maybe it had been Milo or Colt who blabbed about how Ethel had hated me since I was born. She was the nurse who delivered me! And shit you not, told my parents that I was gonna be a tyrant because I peed on her. I was three minutes old, lady! Give me a break! Babies pee! Correction... not Max. Max's first sentence was probably "And the shall name me Max and I shall rule the world!" AHH!!

So go after her." This from Colton."And say what? 'Choose me! Stay with me!' She's left me twice guys! She's not coming back."Max sighed and kicked a box in my direction, then reached out and patted my hand. Aw, he was comforting me. That was nice of him to - "What the hell!?" I screamed, as Max slapped me across the face - twice! Then pulled his fist back as if he was going to beat the shit out of me.

You really need to stop reading Max's book! Nothing he says in that damn thing is even remotely true!"Damn Max for writing a best seller on how to get women and what not to do! Guess which part of the book I'm not in? No really, guess. Let's just say, I had a brief moment where I thought of changing my name and moving to Canada!

I spread my arms wide to anyone who would listen. "Yes! She was my first everything. And now she's nothing to me! You hear me!? Nothing!"The room fell quiet. The front door of the police station closed, and wouldn't you know, there stood Maddie. Holding a freaking sign that said: Vote Max! I'm only running because I wanted to make a sign!Hell, at this rate he was gonna get voted President and create a notional holiday where everyone had to walk around without pants!

What's wrong with his foot?" Said Reed."Why even ask? It's Jason we're talking about here. He get's injured by breathing." Colt chuckled.I grit my teeth. "That was one time and the doctor said it could happen to anyone.""I googled it!" Max said helpfully. "It happens to llamas. And those dodo birds - the really stupid ones.