There are these amazing little seeds called compassion.  You should grow some.

How does knowing 'things could be worse' than what I already deem awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy!

Rest assured you make perfectly good nonsense.  I understand you one-hundred-percent not at all.

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people.