I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss.

All right I think we've been down here in the dark long enough. There's a whole other world upstairs. Take my hand, Constant Reader, and I'll be happy to lead you back into the sunshine. I'm happy to go there because I believe most people are essentially good. I know that I am. It's you I'm not entirely sure of.

What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

PRECOGNITION, TELEPATHY, BULLSHIT! EAT MY DONG, YOU EXTRASENSORY TURKEY!

You ought to sue that son of a whore

His dad lost his marbles last night. They took him away.""Yeah? Just for losing some marbles?

If you drop your Kindle in the toilet, you're done.

That's right," Jack said. "Just the elevator.""What do you mean, just?" Wendy demanded. There was an ice-skim of hysteria on her voice. "It's the middle of the night. Who's running it?

I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and fries.