When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.

That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery.

Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.

FEAR stands for fuck everything and run.

I think part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids.

The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen

People think first love is sweet, and never sweeter than when that first bond snaps. You've heard a thousand pop and country songs that prove the point; some fool got his heart broke. Yet that first broken heart is always the most painful, the slowest to mend, and leaves the most visible scar. What's so sweet about that?

A boy who once wiped his ass with poison ivy probably doesn't belong in a smart people's club.

That's the curse of the reading class. We can be seduced by a good story even at the most inopportune moments.