To truly "show up" means making room for labelling your thoughts and emotions and seeing them for what they are: information rather than facts or directives. This is what allows us to step out to create distance from and gain perspective on our mental processes, which then defangs their power over us.

Of course, determing what you truly care about is only half the process of walking your why. Once you've identified your values, you then have to take them out for a spin. This requires a certain amount of courage, but you can't aim to be fearless. Instead, you should aim to walk directly into your fears, with your values as your guide, toward what matters to you. Courage is not an absence of fear; courage is fear walking.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself in order to start identifying your values:- Deep down, what matters to me?- What relationships do I want to build?- What do I want my life to be about?- How do I feel most of the time? What kind of situations make me feel most vital?

These micro-moments of intimacy or neglect create a culture in which the relationship either thrives or withers. The tiny behaviours feed back on themselves and compound with time, as every interaction builds on the previous interaction, no matter how seemingly trivial. Each person's moments of pettiness and anger, or generosity and lovingness, create a feedback loop that makes the overall relationship either more toxic or happier.

Choices,' the philosopher Ruth Chang said, 'are chances for us to celebrate what is special about the human condition.. that we have the power to create reasons for ourselves to become the distinctive people we are.

Each person's moments of pettiness and anger, or generosity and lovingness, create a feedback loop that makes the overall relationship either more toxic or happier.