Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.

I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.

I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"