A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'

I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'