We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.