286 Quotes About Funny-but-true

Owning a gun proves "In God we trust" is a lie. If you actually trusted in God, you wouldn't feel like you need a gun.

Ten short years ago, nobody had ever heard of a selfie. But today every decent cell phone has not one but two cameras, so you can take idiotic duck face pictures. And don't forget the billion dollar selfie-stick industry. Capitalism has found a whole new way to turn our vanity into profit.

ME?! CRAZY?! no, you got it all wrong... I'm not crazy I'm just...Unique

You have absolutely no idea how dirty your windows actually are until you clean them

I don't know.  I don't really like old movies.  The acting is so, 'Hey buddy, ol' pal.  Let's go wear our hats and have a big misunderstanding

...if you aren't, at any given time, scandalized by code you wrote five or even three years ago, you're not learning anywhere near enough

... they only trusted the wisdom of people brighter and more worldly than themselves when it was expressed in the vocabulary and style of rural idiots. In his guise as Brazenydol, he had once had a contract with DARPA to teach a team of physicists the basic terminology of tractor pulls so that they could give an acceptable explanation of omniwavelength stealth to a Congressional committee that didn’t understand tractor pulls, either.

When I WANT something I can find it other times when I NEED something I can't find it.

Nothing amuses people more than a cocky guy who starts losing.