289 Quotes About Funny-humor

I look like walking proof evolution has hit a brick wall.

I've endured my entire life struggling from a split personality. The problem is that the other guy, a wise guy named (Jack)...has always been in charge.

You need to learn how to like you school.But I don't want to!But you need to.Mom!I've got him sweety!

When you fall in love with a woman, don't give all your devotion entirely. For some inexplicable reason, women don't like to be paid in full.

i'm going to bed before either of you come up with another great idea to get us killed or worse, EXPELLED

Why is the whole world arguing about sexism, racism and discrimination all the time, yet nobody talks about those bouncers outside nightclubs, discriminating against older people and their right to have a drink and a little dance?

The worst thing about being a writer? All my sexist and funny characters saying shit in my books, then quotes being stuck beside my name like I bloody said it myself

I’ve been able to make totally insane associations. I can transform a simple toothache into maxillary cancer. An itchy elbow becomes an urticarial eruption, and a simple sneeze, pneumonia. That’s why I have already thought about joining a help group, like HA – Hypochondriacs Anonymous" Amanda Loeb

I've a theory. Perhaps a dog should've bit us buttholes at birth. Thus a bit of its goodness could've entered our dark souls. We may have gained a dog's mirth. And so even after getting kicked, like the lovely being that is a dog, we may have forgiven each other. And made merry.