394 Quotes About Humor-inspirational

Never date a girl that doesn’t respect your wife.

Corporations might be harder to kill than gods.

A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.

I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.

Some call them "homeless." The new nomads reject that label. Equipped with both shelter and transportation, they've adopted a new word. They refer to themselves, quite simply, as "houseless

How can you possibly do everything you want to do in life if you start doing a bunch of things twice?

You know you're having a bad week when you call 911, the paramedics come to your house, and one of them notices you've rearranged your furniture.

Remember, people who peek through keyholes have to expect an occasional poke in the eye.

No matter how flat you make a pancake, it's still got two sides.