24,501 Quotes About Humor

If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?

Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane.""They didn't," Magnus said. "Your wards are down.""Really?" the Consul's voice dripped sarcasm. "I hadn't noticed."Magnus looked concerned. "That's terrible. Someone should have told you." He glanced at Luke. "Tell him the wards are down.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.