5,226 Quotes About Humour

Theory of Evolution (Summary)First, there were some amoebas. Deviant amoebas adapted better to the environment, thus becoming monkeys. Then came Total Quality Management.

I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.

Угодья Шеверсов граничили с заповедником – можно было легко заблудиться и оказаться от дома далеко-далеко, так далеко, что безутешным родителям пришлось бы вызывать спасательную команду, а местным койотам – перечитывать пособие по выращиванию человеческого детёныша и «Книгу джунглей» Киплинга заодно.

To find your way you must first take the steps

Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.

Marriage is called an ‘institution’ because you must be somewhat mental to get into it. You first seek asylum but end up living in one. You don’t believe me? Well, in Spanish ‘Esposas’ means wives as well as handcuffs. But hey, that’s nothing but a linguistic coincidence.

You can't conceive the perverse ingenuity he could put into hiding his affections.

Joe Spork opens the door. The man departs. Joe turns to Polly to say something about how they’re obviously not going to Portsmouth, and finds an oyster knife balanced on his cheek, just under his eye.“Can we be very clear,” Polly Cradle murmurs, “that I am not your booby sidekick or your Bond girl? That I am an independent supervillain in my own right?”Joe swallows. “Yes, we can,” he says carefully.“There will therefore be no more ‘Say hello, Polly’?”“There will not.

Let your books be your best friends.