207 Quotes About Stand-up

Revenge is ravaging, try not to plan it..Karma will surely take its course..But when u see Karma is taking too much time, act yourself..!Karma might have planned you for that role..

As a citizen of the world, I stand only with Truth and my conscience is my only leader. This is the only way to peace and justice on earth. To always do the right thing, be the right person, and stand with whoever is right always and forever.

When you find someone committing harm, restrain them, but don't do harm in return. Animals behave the way they do, because they can't help themselves, but humans must be better than that.

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.

Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.

Chancellor Gerhard Schröder has several times made statements to the effect that we Europeans should not cultivate a superficial anti-Americanism. But mine isn't superficial at all.Personally I have nothing against the US itself - it's a beautiful country - it's the people who live there that are the problem.I guess you could say it's the same thing with Bavaria.

Everybody's so busy wanting to be down with the gang. "I'm conservative", "I'm liberal", "I'm conservative". Bullshit! Be a fucking person! Lis-ten! Let it swirl around your head. Then form your opinion. No normal, decent person is one thing, okay? I've got some shit I'm conservative about, I've got some shit I'm liberal about. Crime, I'm conservative. Prostitution, I'm liberal!

Often with comedy we look for the joke in our pain not the solution

You'll learn more about life from the stand-up of a responsible comedian than from the literature of an egotistical intellectual.