513 Quotes About Wit

I am a mediocre being, a bit cunning.

He lies down next to me.He says, 'You know - you have a face to die for/''Well, don't die,' I say, "we just met.

Hey, have you heard that one about the difference between me, Wit, and my loutish cousin, Hilarity? No? Okay, so I walk into a bar, you see, very unassuming, and order a martini. Then the bartender, Hilarity, hauls off and squirts me in the face with a seltzer bottle, ruining my n ice new camel hair suit, dousing my monocle and my watch fob, soaking my cravat. So, do I let him have what for, and blow my top? I do not. I simply say:Sorry, I believe I said 'very dry'.

It's common platitude that knowledge is neutral but every now and then it would be useful if it was on your side and not theirs.

To have a viable civilization, people have to have a benign government, a semblance of education, spare time, imagination, and manners

Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.

When I'm in love, I can't stand anyone.

Snobbery might sometimes look cool, like smoking, but the end result is usually a repelling one.

If life is a game... I need new dice!