513 Quotes About Wit

It was as much a battle of wits and words as it was of mitts and swords.

There's no greater proof of an impoverished mind than its inability to be witty except at other people's expense.

Why did men have to ruin everything? The answer was simple, she supposed—because foolish women gave them the chance

During a conversation, listening is as powerful as loving.

I have great affection for you, Roy" I answered, "but I don't think you are the sort of person I'd care to have breakfast with.

Snark is a fabulous defense mechanism.

Frederick's wit was impressive. When a descendant of Ghengis Khan, who was wreaking havoc in the Muslim world, wrote threateningly that the holy Roman Emperor should surrender his lands and come to his court to become one of his vassals, Frederick replied that he'd think about it and to please hold open the position of falconer.

I have an iron lung, and the dog keeps me from getting too close to magnets.[...]I have SARS. He's tallying the people I infect. [...]I'm nearsighted. He helps me read the road signs. [...]I'm a recovering alcoholic. The dog gets between me and a beer.[...]I have an irregular heartbeat and he's CPR certified. [...]Color-blind. He tells me when the traffic lights change. [...]He translates for my Spanish-speaking clients.[...]He's a chick magnet.[...]I'm a lawyer. He chases ambulances for me.

Black Mage: I was joking.Red Mage: OH. See, I was confused by the total lack of comedy.