109 Quotes by Tim Dorsey

Don't make fun of people who are different. Unless they have more money and influence. Then you must

Corn dogs are like blow jobs. If you complain about one, you're the problem.

Look forward to the wonderment of growing up, raising a family and driving by the gas station where the popular kids now work.

Serge nodded. 'And I respect your opinion because you smoke marijuana. You're chemically biased against violence and job applications.

But you have to understand, mental illness is like cholesterol. There is is good kind and the bad. Without the good kind- less flavor to life. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Sylvia Plath, Pink Floyd (the early Piper at the Gates of Dawn line up), scientific breakthroughs, spiritual revolution, utopian visions, zany nationalism that kills millions- wait, that’s the bad kind. Tim Dorsey (Hurricane Punch)

First, they set the hook with mind-bending kinky shit. Then a year later you're living in a Talking Heads song, dressed like Teddy Ruxpin, living with a strange woman in a big house full of frilly throw pillows, experiencing the frequency of sex that can only be charted by Halley's Comet. and you're wondering: How did I get here?

Nothing builds confidence like live ammo.

Nature's what it's all about, but our people have been brainwashed into thinking that life is a cell phone against your head and the TV on a beer commercial with hot chicks.

Always walk away from a fight. Then ambush.