4 Quotes by Adam Nostra

Hell has had an upgrade. We’re now in the era of Hell 2.0. God sentences the wicked to an eternity on Tinder, the worst punishment imaginable, a world of limitless suffering, of boredom, punctuated by all-too-brief glimpses of hope, soon dashed.

Edvard Munch painted The Scream after having a premonition of Tinder.

Jesus is baffled by Tinder. He wants to love his matches, but is strictly celibate. The Holy Ghost does all of Jesus’ fucking for him. Apparently, Jesus calls his penis Lazarus because he has to raise it from the dead. It takes a miracle to get it up. Only torture porn gets him hard.

Come to think of it, who really is Jesus’ dad? No one is mentioned on his birth certificate. In fact, he doesn’t have a birth certificate. Talk about a Birther conspiracy theory. Why isn’t Trump on the case? Obama has nothing on Jesus. Jesus isn’t American. He’s a Middle Eastern immigrant. Isn’t the Donald supposed to be stopping those cunts with their fanatical religious beliefs from getting into the country? Build the fucking Wall! Keep out Jesus.