54 Quotes by Alan Carr

Dad instantly set out his stall:he wanted a big dog, a 'man dog',a dog that if it was human would enjoy a pint and stare at the barmaid's arse

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!

'Civilians' is a term I love. It's what Elizabeth Hurley used to describe people who weren't on TV.

All change requires effort and sacrifice. Sometimes action plans fail because they are based on the idea that there is a 'magic bullet' which on its own can solve our problems.This is not true. Complex human problems typically require complex solutions with many different components.

A true friend never asks of you what they know you would never ask of them.

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I’d gone to Africa I would have got poached.

I'm a little bit naughty, not too rude and a little bit saucy. That's what I love about Chatty Man - I can just be that on my own show.