10 Quotes by Alex Gabriel

The West Sister Dating Rules were clear on the matter of apologies. On the evolutionary scale of dating, a guy who apologized solely for the sake of ending the argument and getting back into your good graces was on the level of primeval slime — especially if he was clearly doing so merely because he was hoping for sex. The proper response was to unveil the offender’s deceit by demanding he explain what exactly he was apologizing for, and then scorn him when he betrayed his ignorance.

I saved you,” Andersen said at last, slowly but firmly, like Pat was an idiot child who had to be reminded of the basic rules of the universe. To wit: Gravity exists. Time purports to flow in a linear fashion, but it’s only trying to fool us. I saved you.

You always want to know the truth, isn’t that what you said? Even if it hurts. Even if it’s messy and complicated and inconvenient, and means you have to change your mind.

Choose your battles wisely. Cheat whenever necessary.

Tomorrow I’m going to mow the lawn and prune the trees, and after that I’ll cook some stew and casseroles to put in the freezer. We’ll be glad of them when we’re busy gaining dominion over the world, and can’t find time to cook.

All things come to those who lurk. Skulking is also an option.

Alright, kids, who wants to try a home-made veggie sausage spiced with the secret herbs of the jungle’s dark and vengeful heart? I can through some on the grill with the next round of tofu burgers.

But don’t go overboard, Pat. You know what matters in the end.” Pat laughed. “Family, the loyalty of your minions, and a reliable logistics support system?

At least jerking off did not suck. In fact, it was pretty great, because Pat was good at it. Practice made perfect, as they said.