235 Quotes by Amy Sedaris

although it has been said that idle hands are the devil's workshop, when it comes to teenagers, both idle and active hands are the devil's workshop.

If you decide on having an alcoholic at your party, make sure it's a large gathering. This way, until the alcoholic begins removing their clothes or dangling the cat out the window, they can sort of blend in. An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention.

I'm not a first-place person.

I think it’s good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.

I feel confident writing on my feet with improv, but it’s different when you’re sitting down and writing it out.

I did shoplift but I didn’t get in trouble for it. I shoplifted a lot when I was little. Candy. I would steal candy.

When you hear someone use the word ‘meds’ instead of the word ‘medicine,’ chances are they’re no stranger to massive doses of mind-altering psychotropic drugs. Back out of the room slowly.

Accentuaute the positives – medicate the negatives.

I’ve never played anyone who didn’t like themselves. I don’t care if they’re unattractive, but it’s important that they think of themselves as attractive. And I guess that’s part of their charm.