83 Quotes by Andy Borowitz

Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.

Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps; and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.

Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'

Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.

All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.

Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.