26 Quotes by Aries Spears

How do you ask a woman to gargle your nuts?

There's got to be structure and great comedy. When you start with that, everything else falls into place.

The best part about being a stand-up is the connection with the audience. There's nothing more gratifying then when you can make 300 people applaud and stand up - because that's all you.

The average comedian is kind of an observer looking at everyday things that everyone could relate to and then trying to find the exaggeration in those things.

My momma used to kick in the door like SWAT!

I'm at a very frustrating point in my career because I'm not a millionaire. Like, people assume because you're in movies or TV, you're rich. I'm not rich, but I'm far from broke. I'm what you call a 'thousandaire.'

I always said if I ever get married, I would tell my woman - I love Michael Jordan, I am a Michael Jordan fanatic - I said, 'Michael Jordan is the only athlete you can sleep with and I wouldn't get mad, as long as you got something signed. You gotta bring back a ball, a hat or something. You can't just give away that sh*t for free.'

I never wanted to limit myself to just impressions. I wanted to branch out and develop other parts of my game.

To sustain longevity, you have to evolve.