26 Quotes by Aries Spears

I like to go to the frat house and drink with my white friends, because anytime you go drinking at the frat house, white boys bring you a drink and hand it to you like it's a top CIA secret. They'll hand me my drink, and I'll go, 'Man, what the hell is in this?' 'Dude, don't worry. Don't ask, just drink it. I'll see you in 20 minutes.' Next thing you know, I'm buck naked, standing on a coffee table, with a cowboy hat.

I'm from the streets of New York. I know what tough talk sounds like.

Eddie Murphy was the Michael Jordan of comedy. He had a full range of abilities.

Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes.

That's where the money is, on the road.

I think Chappelle set the bar when he came out with his show. To be as great as him or greater you have to push it a little further - as long as there's substance in terms of the material.

Ladies Commit, There's A Wedding In It For You.

I know when the anthrax thing hit - white people, y'all was very nervous. Y'all would come up to me at work and warn me, like 'Oh my God, Aries, be careful. Don't open your mail.' Let me tell you something - black folks was never worried about anthrax because, half the time, we don't open our mail no way. We might think that's a bill. We might hold it to the light and go, 'That's a red slip.' If you want to get us with anthrax, put that in a Jay-Z CD. That's how you get us.

We are all a little bit racist. White people, y'all are the first people to denounce it. I'm not racist. I'm incapable of being racist. My best friend is black... He's also my chauffeur, but he's my best friend.