235 Quotes by Bill Bailey

A lot of people say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. I don't think there's a fine line, I actually think there's a yawning gulf. You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied to his ears, he's not going home to invent a rocket, is he?

It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still.

I'm a sort of like post-modern vegetarian, I eat meat........Ironically.

Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it

Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail out of the joke, I lose commitment in it, I'll give you an example: Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still

The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.