233 Quotes by Billy Connolly

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do.

What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser!

The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.

A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.

I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.

Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?

For me, it's about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.