233 Quotes by Billy Connolly

And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said. "What type is it?", I asked and he said "ten past twelve".

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days..

I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.

Politically correct is the language of cowardice.

Outgrew the media... The negativity felt like a disease.

Try to live in a place you like.

There's nothing better than a fight, especially when you're watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he's a big Jessie!

I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.

When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.