233 Quotes by Billy Connolly

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.

I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.

Don't work out, work in.

Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.

People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

The more you know the less the better.

I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That's what girls do. I think I am a girl really.

Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.