233 Quotes by Billy Connolly

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.

Never trust people who've only got one book.

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.

There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.