73 Quotes by Brad Williams

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

I just don't get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That's where jokes happen.

It's weird when people ask me, "Why are you so nice?" It's like, "Because that's just what you should do. You should be kind to people." It seems really basic, but it's amazing how many people forget that.

I've been to Canada, and they love - oh my God, they love their stand-up comedy in Canada. I've been overseas to do shows for the troops all over the Middle East, and I actually went to China recently and did shows, not for the troops, but just for local Chinese people, and Americans that have moved there, and things like that. It was fantastic. They got it. They're way smarter than we give them credit for.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

I don't know anything about you, so when you randomly come up and grab my ass, this isn't a friend doing it. It's like, "Who the f### is doing...? I was not expecting that."

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