653 Quotes by Christopher Moore

One day I was telling him that I thought that cars had replaced guns as phallic symbols for American men, and I thought it was interesting that he had one that was so small and fast. The next day he gave me the Datsun and went out and bought a Lincoln.

Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.

She can be a whirlwind of tits and terror when she puts her mind to a purpose, can't she, sir?

Don't bruise the Foo!

That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information.""Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery system?

Don't care. It's a mystery. Know what I like about mysteries? They're mysterious.

Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.

May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.

Which isn’t, like, as bad as it sounds, because the general public kind of sucks ass.