9 Quotes by Daniel Keidl

Deciding to spit in the eye of every homely matron who ever warned her children not to stare into the sun directly, you crank the titanic telescope around to look directly towards the sun, the center of our solar system.

As the horde of ancient and mythical creatures impossibly descends upon you and dragonfire envelopes the land, you are forced to concede that it’s probably the very coolest way that you could die.

Sorry, there’s just not enough mead to go around.

Oh, one more thing,' Thor calls out. 'If I know my prophecy, and I do, you beautiful ladies had best start looking for a boat!

You stumble upon an unhappy Martian sentry on a mission and shoot ineffectually at his powersuit a few times before he pulps you with his laserbeam eyes and hideous poisonous-gas breath. Glory!

Your eyes meet and you immediately feel yourself shriveling under his gaze. He bears a scale in one hand and appears to be weighing your worth. Finding you wanting, the Horseman of Famine turns his dark steed and trots on.

The front edge of the shockwave impacts the earth and you’re both shoved to your backs against the crumbling asphalt of the parking lot, and then crushed into oblivion as the Earth, along with every celestial body of your solar system, is disintegrated into tiny shards and then sucked unceremoniously into the resulting black hole.

They really need to cite their sources, you think to yourself, which would make your seventh-grade science teacher proud if only he knew. It’s a moot point, however.

YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN A MIX OF TRIUMPHS AND TOILS, CHALLENGES AND TESTS, AND YOU HAVE BEEN FOUND WORTHY. YOUR FAITH IN ME AND YOUR LOVING HEART ARE A TESTAMENT TO MY PEOPLE.'Thank you, my God.'COME, BE WITH ME. SIT WITH ME AT MY TABLE; JOIN ME IN RAPTURE. AND BRING YOUR CUTE FRIEND TOO.