145 Quotes by Dave Attell

I found a gray hair one of my testicles the today. No, it wasn't mine, but it's frightening.

I found a gray hair on one of my testicles today. No, it wasn't mine, but it's frightening.

When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.

Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that's about it.

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.