184 Quotes by Dave Chappelle

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!

Listen, here it is: Technically, I never quit. I'm seven years late for work.

I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.

I enjoy my own thoughts sometimes.

What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant.

Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!

There's something about doing stand-up that's cathartic.

Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!

Money is the fuel for choices. Money gives me choices, so it's not nothing, it's something," he continued. "But it's not the end all, be all. There are other things in my life that I did not purchase with money that are very valuable.