146 Quotes by David Spade

Single guys get a bad rap.

MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say "how are you," when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat.

I wish I had that carefree lifestyle. But I guess I'm more private, and more inside.

Now that I have the opportunities to do a lot, I want to do less.

Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.

Seriously, you don't have to know English. It'd be nice, a nice little plus. We don't want miracles. You don't have to know the country's language. But just some shapes, that's all. A square. A little geometry.

I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.

You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!

No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it's too weird to sleep in too late.