227 Quotes by David Wong

You see, time is an ocean, not a garden hose. Space is a puff of smoke, a wisp of cloud.

You know how sometimes when you're drifting off to sleep you feel that jolt, like you were falling and caught yourself at the last second? It's nothing to be concerned about, it's usually just the parasite adjusting its grip.

When they write the sequel to the Bible, that shit is definitely gonna be in there.

John trotted up, carrying his satchel. "Yes. Wexler's gone. We need your car.""What? Why?"John circled around to the passenger-side door and said, "Car chase.

John flung himself into a pseudo-karate stance, one hand poised behind him and one in front, posed like a cartoon cactus. I thought for an odd moment he had moved his limbs so fast they had made that whoosh sound through air but then I realized John was making that sound with his mouth.

He whipped the chair around and actually split one of the things in half with the impact, spilling the spray of blood that was reflective, like mercury.John bellowed, "Anyone else want to donate blood to chair-ity?"He ducked into the the door and bashed one monster right in the wig, screaming, "There's some dessert! With a chair-y on top!

One more victim sucked in by John. You get into the room with him and you just fall into a warm pool of beer and video games and penis jokes, staring at the universe with him and saying, "Do you believe this shit?

Fuck all of you," John retorded. "You don't even exist. We're all just a figment of my cock's imagination.

Dave? This is John.""What are you-"Alive?"-in an ambulance or something?""Yes and no. Are you still at the police station?""Yeah. We were both-""Have I died yet?