373 Quotes by Dorothy Parker

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)

I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

MenThey hail you as their morning starBecause you are the way you are.If you return the sentiment,They'll try to make you different;And once they have you, safe and sound,They want to change you all around.Your moods and ways they put a curse on;They'd make of you another person.They cannot let you go your gait;They influence and educate.They'd alter all that they admired.They make me sick, they make me tired.

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.