333 Quotes by Doug Stanhope

If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it.

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.

You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?

Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.

It's our flaws who make us who we are.

I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.

Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.

I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.