641 Quotes by Ellen DeGeneres

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.

I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?

When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.

It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.

If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn't done anything? They should use prisoners who have been convicted of murder or rape instead. So, rather than seeing if perfume irritates a bunny rabbit's eyes, they should throw it in Charles Manson's eyes and ask him if it hurts.

Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:Yes.Yes.No.One time in high school.Three times in my twenties.Rocks no salt.Yes.Four.Never. And how dare you!I will take no further questions.

Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.

Haiku sounds like I'mSaying hi to someone namedKu. Hi, Ku. Hello.