317 Quotes by Emo Philips

My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid...and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.

Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy...

I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

I think it's good to know more than the average guy. If I'm in a bar now and some pretty girl is talking to some handsome 24-year-old man, I'll say, "Okay, who's the emperor after Caligula? What chief mistake did Marcus Aurelius make in choosing a successor?" He'll just look like an idiot. She'll just gravitate toward me, I'm thinking. It works in Detroit.

I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.

I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.

I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.

My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.