317 Quotes by Emo Philips

Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.

Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.