530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

A child needs your love most when he deserves it least

It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.

If I had my life to live over again, I would have waxed less and listened more. ... I would have cried and laughed less while watching television ... and more while watching real life. ... But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give the minute back until there was nothing left of it.

Families aren't easy to join. They're like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant.

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.

Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.

[On her father's death:] I didn't know his leaving would hurt so much.