93 Quotes by Frank Carson

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.

A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?"

Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.