144 Quotes by Fred Allen

If children could vote, Jesse Jackson would be our next president.

Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.

Everything is for the eye these days - TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all.

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.

He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.